?

Log in

 
 
15 December 2005 @ 11:01 am
Discipline  
My friend has a 22 month old daughter and they use a Naughty Chair to discipline the little one. It works really well for them... the daughter gets warned about the chair, then sits on it if she continues being naughty (screaming, hitting, etc... not for just being a rascal)... and sits on it for about a minute. Then she gets a hug, says sorry (though the mom does this now as the daughter doesn't talk much and can't say sorry) and gets on with her day.

Seems like everyone has a different system for discipline, for teaching the kids not to bite, hit, etc... and David and I are experimenting. I used to be sent to a corner, my mom said it was because no matter where we went there was always a corner, just in case. :) One of my sisters-in-law does Time Out, the other one has a Naughty Step... and they all seem to work in their own ways.

What do you guys do? More importantly... When did you start? I'm thinking of buying a stool this weekend. :/ Mainly because he's begun throwing things when he is frustrated... and he *knows* he's being naughty. If he's in a good mood he stops before he does it, when we say No... but if he's in a bad mood? Or tired? Lets just say there are already Thomas the Tank Engine shaped dents in his bedroom wall. :(

Thoughts? Ideas? Valium?
 
 
Current Mood: curiouscurious
 
 
 
beautiful dreamergood_witch_sd on December 15th, 2005 05:32 pm (UTC)
Time outs - one minute for every year of age til about 6. Let her sit in her room with the door open. It worked for us.

I suppose I don't like the idea of a naming the behaviour with the discipline because sometimes it is just overtired, grumpy, like all of us but without the resources to understand what they have done.

Marlespomarlespo on December 15th, 2005 05:38 pm (UTC)
I had heard about the 1 minute for every year of age thing as well, and that makes a lot of sense to me. What do you mean by naming the behaviour with the discipline? Do you mean like calling it Time Out, rather than being naughty? Or do you mean that you don't call bad behavior bad names like "naughty" or "bad".... I'm confused! :) We're all about guiding... I don't relly like the word "discipline" because I suppose it makes it sound a bit... spanky or something. We really try to weigh his behavior with his environment etc, and have a pretty good success rate with just calming hom down, talking to him, distracting him, hugging him etc... we're just looking for something to do for those over-the-top moments when he is purposely doing something hurtful. Doesn't happen much at the moment... but part of me is preparing for when he's older and really testing his boundaries, you know?
beautiful dreamergood_witch_sd on December 15th, 2005 06:47 pm (UTC)
oh I know...:)

It is actually behaviour modification - I used the word discipline - but I have never believed in corporal punishment (spanking) or used it.

Kids just get over the top and need time out - a place to be where they are really - away from us as much as not continuing to do whatever it is that is driving us crazy. That is the pushing boundaries area that you spoke of. And it gets to a parent as much as to the kids.

I found that simply doing the time out worked.

I also do things on the spot, get down to their level eye wise and talk to them. I never said wait til your dad gets home or something like that, or removed them from the embarrassing place they were at. It was done then and then let go when full understanding was obtained. I sound like a training manual but I don't mean to sound so cold. I am very warm and loving to my daughter, and we have a really good relationship. But if she does something, we deal with it on the spot and I always have.

Used to drive my mom - who did spank - crazy to watch me with my daughter in front of her and dealing with her. But that is a grandmother for you...

Mine is now 8 - and time out still works - but to a noisier degree...:)
Marlespomarlespo on December 15th, 2005 07:15 pm (UTC)
"I also do things on the spot, get down to their level eye wise and talk to them. I never said wait til your dad gets home or something like that, or removed them from the embarrassing place they were at. It was done then and then let go when full understanding was obtained."

- - That is exactly what I do with Philip right now. We don't spank, and we don't plan to either. Philip is a very, very strong willed child, and I'm really looking for something like what you are talking about... the time out thing. I'm leaning towards a stool or a cair though, sompliy because there isn't a good place for timing out. If I just put him in his room, he plays. I don't want to shut the door behind me. He doesn't have any kind of chair in there, just his bed, which he loves - and I don't want him to be confused about things like "sometimes I go here when mommy is upset, sometimes I go here when I go to bed" - - - I think you know what I mean. ? I usually do the thing where we deal with it right then and there... I just don't know what to do when that doesn't work because he's having a *real* tantrum. Hence the chair/stool/spot/step/whatever.

I really don't like the Wait til your Dad gets home thing either, but for us that is because David (my husband) is home so little anyway, that we don't want his time with Philip to be spent dealing with things like this. And I don't want daddy time to be a *threat*, you know? So yeah... we don't do that.
beautiful dreamergood_witch_sd on December 15th, 2005 07:38 pm (UTC)
I totally agree with you about this. For me it was less a matter of her going to her room, to play, as to change the behaviour. If that meant going to the bedroom to play (and I did not close the door on her) that was better than the tantrum.

We also always did this as well: I would make sure it was over (whatever the "thing" of the moment was - and then I would say do you want to take it from your heart? We would take it from our hearts, crumpling it (imaginary it) in front of us and blow it away. I began doing that with her pretty early on.

For me, it was over when it was over, and understood, and there is nothing like feeling guilty about things forever.

However, as she has gotten older, she wants to blow things away really quickly, and I am less inclined to until I feel there is true understanding going on. I don't just go on forever but sometimes I want her to think about it harder, and it may take an hour or so to take it out of our hearts.

I don't have answers, just what has worked for me. I always hated that thing my Mom would do about Wait til your Dad gets home - because that was worse waiting all day for that to happen....and I hated it. I promised to never use it on her and never have.
Marlespomarlespo on December 15th, 2005 07:40 pm (UTC)
The "taking it out of your heart" thing is SUCH a sweet idea!!!!
*trish*: neuroticlunarx on December 15th, 2005 07:24 pm (UTC)
i'm open for suggestions too.

valium, yes please. :)
(Anonymous) on December 15th, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
We do time out, but only with behaviors that are getting to be habitual. Like when he started hitting, hitting became a time out offense. The throwing things became a time out offense. My pediatrician suggesting counting to 3 before putting him in time out, but he loves counting so much that he didn't really get that we were counting down to time out, he just thought it was fun. Now that he is a little older he gets it more. I can say 1 and he knows he is supposed to stop. I am pretty lenient, though. I frequently get "the look" from other people when I let him jump on the bed and furniture or color on his table. Who cares? He's a little kid, I'm not sweating the small stuff.
monchichimonchee on December 15th, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
Oops, that was me.
purplelizzypurplelizzy on December 15th, 2005 10:59 pm (UTC)
Valium.
Mandy: Winter-Bear juggling snowballshiswifetheirmom on December 19th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC)
I vote for Valium!! Kidding of course. :o) We use a time out chair. We started when Kaiden turned 18 months old and really began throwing fits (biting, kicking, pulling hair, slapping, etc). We warn him about going to "time out" and then if he continues the behavior, he sits in his time out chair for one and a half minutes. When he's done, he is expected to give hugs & kisses to the person he hurt since he doesn't say "sorry" yet. Then we do something fun together to distract him from what's just happened. It's to the point now where all we do is mention "time out" and he will usually stop what he's doing and give me (or his Daddy) a hug.